Understanding Personality Changes with our Elderly Parents
One inevitable fact of life is that people never stop changing, no matter how old they get. Aging brings a cascade of physical and emotional changes, which can lead to a variety of behavioral changes that can baffle or worry an older adult’s loved ones like our Elderly Parents.
It can be very challenging to care for a loved one whose behavior has changed from what you’re used to; patience – along with appropriate medical care and attention – often reaps the rewards. But what behavioral changes are normal and what aren’t? Sometimes it’s difficult to tell the difference.
Here are some examples of behavioral changes common in older adults and also elaborates on what might signal a problem and how to react:
For example, your parent, whose finances you have been managing for some time, suddenly lashes out and accuses you of stealing their money. Or perhaps your parent, who is usually chatty and out-going, becomes quiet and almost secretive around you. Initially, you might feel angry or hurt by their behavior. But this is the time to take a deep breath, stay calm, and ask yourself first, “Is this behavior due to a medical issue, or is there something else going on?”
Even with your best efforts as a caregiver to address a loved one’s needs, it’s not uncommon to be on the receiving end of an older adult’s anger, suspicion or withdrawal. These behaviors can often signal an out-of-control urinary tract infection (UTI), unmanaged pain, the onset of a dementia-related illness, or possible medication side effects and interactions.
However, with proper diagnosis and treatment, these issues can often be eliminated or at least reduced enough to improve the quality of life for everyone concerned.
Having said that, there are also behaviors that arise from the aging process that can’t be resolved through medical intervention. If you think about it, the older a person gets, the more likely they are to lose mobility, independence, control, friends, memory, and even a sense of belonging in the world. Is it any wonder a person experiencing these losses would feel grief, hopelessness, fear, and frustration? Who better to take it out on than the person who sees them at their most vulnerable, day after day?
5 Suggestions that could help you deal with Elderly’s Personality Changes:
As family caregivers, how do we help our loved ones adjust while at the same time finding a way to cope with these changes ourselves? Here are five suggestions that could help both of you:
- It’s rare to find a caregiver who has not carried the burden of doing everything perfectly while feeling responsible for all that happens to their loved one. One must understand that many situations are far beyond your control, and not everything can be fixed, no matter what anyone thinks, including you.
- Everyone needs validation. Acknowledge what your loved one is going through with questions such as “Tell me what you’re feeling right now?” or “What are you most afraid of happening?” Then take some time to ask yourself those very same questions and jot down your answers. Just getting thoughts and feelings out of our heads and onto paper can be a much-needed release.
- Familiarize yourself ahead of time with some basic physical causes of behavior and mental health changes in older adults. This can help you and medical personnel eliminates additional possibilities such as hearing loss, the leftover effects of anesthesia after surgery, or even low blood sugar.
- With all the Too Do’s of caregiving, our family members can sometimes become more like a project to be managed. When possible, take time to just be with him/her or seek out their advice. Demonstrating that you value their presence and experience can go a long way in making them feel relevant rather than a burden. This, in turn, can minimize outbursts, at least temporarily.
- Look for a support group, either online or locally, where you feel safe enough to share that perfectly normal roller coaster of emotions we all experience at one time or another. Just knowing you’re not alone can make a big difference. You may even come to realize one of the toughest things for caregivers to accept – we can’t always be superheroes.
Hiring a Personal Support Worker/ Caregiver
It is an important milestone when family caregivers decide to hire in-home care for their loved ones, but this plan is often derailed when seniors refuse to let the new caregivers into their homes. Other elders will welcome home health aides in only long enough to tell them that they are fired!
The thought of an outsider suggests to the Seniors that their family can’t (or doesn’t want to) take care of them. It also magnifies the extent of their needs and makes them feel vulnerable. Work to understand your loved one’s reasons for resisting in-home care, which could include fear, embarrassment, resentment, or some mix of the three. Talk to them about their feelings and work together to find solutions that everyone can live with. For example, if Mom hates the thought of letting a stranger into her home, arrange for her to meet the professional caregiver at the home care company’s office or at a café for coffee first.
Hiring a Personal Support Worker/ Caregiver
It is an important milestone when family caregivers decide to hire in-home care for their loved ones, but this plan is often derailed when seniors refuse to let the new caregivers into their homes. Other elders will welcome home health aides in only long enough to tell them that they are fired!
The thought of an outsider suggests to the Seniors that their family can’t (or doesn’t want to) take care of them. It also magnifies the extent of their needs and makes them feel vulnerable. Work to understand your loved one’s reasons for resisting in-home care, which could include fear, embarrassment, resentment, or some mix of the three. Talk to them about their feelings and work together to find solutions that everyone can live with. For example, if Mom hates the thought of letting a stranger into her home, arrange for her to meet the professional caregiver at the home care company’s office or at a café for coffee first.
Ask your loved one to simply give home care a try on a temporary basis. Instead of immediately introducing full days of hands-on care, it may help to have a home health aide come in for one day a week to do light housekeeping and meal preparation for a few hours. Experienced home care companies know how to handle situations like this, so don’t hesitate to ask for their advice. Once the senior gets used to having someone in the house and establishes trust with a caregiver, they will be more comfortable with accepting additional help.
You may visit our FIlCan Homecare Services at 10 Hamster Crescent, Aurora, Ontario, L4G 3G7 or simply call us at 647-835-6534